I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
