3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The best revenge is premature balding
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
