dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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