There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he shaved USA in his pubs
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
