There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
