Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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