did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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