Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
