I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
