shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
