I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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