Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
