then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
