I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
