It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
