Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
