I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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