apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I did not marry a roomba.
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