I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
