Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
