he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
