I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
