So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
