I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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