it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
