girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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