No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
