Just cropdusted the office
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
