I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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