i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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