youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
