Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
