she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
