My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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