I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
