so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
