If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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