I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
