It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
