Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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