I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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