Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
