Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
