Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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