Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Randomize
