I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
