I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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