You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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