I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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