Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
