i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
